Your MySpace page gives me seizures
Now, look, I'm not one on this whole e-social scene. I'm totally for expressing yourself and having your friends know what you are about, what you are doing, who you are doing it too (mmmmmmm)... but there could be a whole different way for you to go about doing it. I've always been pretty healthy: I work out, I eat right, and people constantly compliment me on my left shoulder and my shiny hair. But, as I search through the plethora of MySpace pages (just in my area)... I think I may have contracted a semi-form of epilepsy. As a matter of fact, I'm typing through an inch of mouth foam as I write this.
First of all: the pictures on the page. It's not enough for you just to put them up and have me look at them, is it? No. You have to have them pump in and out of the page... shoving your so-called good times into my face... your escapades... your nights on the town... your scantily clad friends (which, by the way, wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have so many ugly friends). They are in various shapes and sizes (the pictures, not your fiends..... ok well both)... which sucks. You've made such care into making sure the color scheme on your background matches the outline of your "about me" box.... yet... you've completely neglected sizing your photos so that they are at least the same size. You know... squares are squares... rectangles, rectangles (I've even seen triangles......... don't ask). Not only does it confuse the shit out of me, but it completely ruins the format on my web browser (and I currently run Safari which is dodgy enough... so... thanks for making me hate it more).
Calm your friends down. Seriously. If I see another post wishing you "Happy Easter," I'm going to really pull the trigger on buying my Glock (pun intended). I'm convinced, now, that they in no way, shape or form (which, I'll remind you, you already have trouble with) have any intention of actually wishing you to enjoy these lovely holidays. To be perfectly honest... you'd have to have lived under a rock to not be aware of when these well-known holidays were. You really wanna do your friend a service? Wish them "Happy Kwanza" or a "Lascivious Lent." Can't tell you how many times I forgot those killer holidays.
And another thing... It wasn't enough for you to adorn your background with pictures of Paris Hilton that animate her diamond-studded purses.
No. Your friends had to add to my eventual trip to the emergency room
with repeated use of sparkle... or glitter effects that... for the
most part... do NOT add to the enjoyment of your statement, but
rather, add to the lack of maturity each of your dumb comments have.
Please... please... please... show the true value of knowing HTML and
maybe just use BOLD... or italics... at least then I know that there
was some effort put into your profoundly thought out wish of a happy
holiday... not a mind numbing copy and pasting of your twelve year old
sister's pic of the month blog post posted seven months ago.
Excuse me while I click this link you sent me that allows for 20% off at Macy's.
Your efforts receive 3 friend requests from fake scantily clad women who are promoting pornographic websites out of a possible 69.