African sorcery and your penis
A story out of the Congo, West Africa has me in real fear of a new kind of gangster. Authorities from Kinshasa in the Democratic Republic of Congo have arrested 13 people suspected of using sorcery and witchcraft to steal or shrink men's penises in an effort to extort money from the victims. Apparently this sort of thing is fairly common in West Africa, a place where a lot of people still hold on tightly to traditional beliefs, and the locals are fed up. The victims say that a sorcerer only has to touch you in order to "steal" or shrink your penis and many victims say their junk has shrunk to almost nothing or disappeared all together after encountering a powerful wiener witch. Then the fun begins as the witch or sorcerer then demands money for the return of the man parts.
I don't know what part of this act is worse, the sudden disappearance of one's man meat or the fact that you will ultimately be forced to buy your own cock back. What if you don't have all the money to buy back your pokestick all at once? Is there a payment plan? Can one make arrangements? If one pays more than the asked price can one go bigger? These are all good, terrifying questions and have many West African men living in fear and dread.
Authorities were finally forced to act when many locals threatened to act on their own to kill and or lynch these alleged "sorcerers." The truly scary part is that upon launching their official investigation they found no less than 13 suspected magical pud pinchers. Now that's police work! I can only imagine the interviews that preceded the arrests. Imagine a sweltering interview room, a tough-as-nails seen it all West African cop stares down his suspect and with all sincerity asks "Did you in fact use you your supernatural powers to steal penises in an effort to make some extra cash?' and then said suspect says "Yes I did and I'll do it to you too..as soon as I am out of these cuffs." And then the officer says "You are under arrest for the crime of penis theft" which is apparently a real law that is on the books somewhere.
These West African authorities have my respect I hope they throw the book at these magical miscreants so they can go on to more pressing cases. I hear next they are going after the boogie man, he is a real threat to us all. I am no law enforcement expert on the boogie man but I suggest they look under beds and in closets.
This is just another reason to not go to Africa...EVER. Africa- come for the genocide, war and famine but stay for the penis thievery.
Penis Theft receives 13 African cock zappers out of an impossible 13.