iPhenomenon
I just threw up in my mouth a little. Seriously, when does it end? Apparently if you put an “i” (lower case) or an “e” (not necessarily lower case) in front of any new electronic product or case that holds a new electronic gadget it will instantly be hip. Much like the “X” trend of a few years ago, the iPhenomenon has swept Western culture like an Iraqi sand storm and left dazed yet happy consumers in its wake. Let’s face it, Apple made a brilliant marketing decision identifying products with the purchaser by making it yours down to its very name. But all the “i” in the world can’t make everything a must have. Take for instance the iHolsterX3. Not only do they capture the essence of the iPhenomenon, they back up the coolness of their product by cleverly shoehorning a retroactive “X” theme into the name as well. The name alone brings a whirlwind of thoughts to the brain. “WHAT!? We are on version THREE!? How did I miss versions one and two!? Is there a version Three and now the X version!? How can I possibly face the chess club without this product!!! I can’t believe that I actually used to put this thing in my POCKET!”
Here is the brilliant tag line that goes with this gadget, keep in mind that thousands of dollars were spent at an advertising agency to put this in front of the public with the highest impact.
“The iHolster gives you quickdraw access to your iPaq that's as easy as 1-2-3.”
Not only do we get to walk around like modern gun slingers of the wild west, ready to “quickdraw” the competition on the lone streets of free commerce, we get to do it as easy as learning to count when we were two.
If that isn’t enough, there is an animated gif of the product in action just in case the unwashed fiefdom of this country can’t figure out how a PDA actually can be inserted into and REMOVED from a hip mounted holster. Take special note of the fact that when deploying the iPAQ from it's belt mounted resting place your pants will get darker once the PDA is completely removed.
So here we have an iProduct within an iProduct, Shakespeare pioneered this concept with his play within a play while writing Hamlet, however we will overlook the bastardization of his work for the purposes of this criticism. The fact of the matter is, though your nerd friends might be impressed with this holster, you are still going to get jeered at when your phone rings at the movies so your accountant can inform you that your brother-in-law/business partner just liquidated the assets of the company and has left to a non-extradition country on the equator to spend the rest of his life sipping pine coladas on a beach while watching the topless native girls. This clever case won’t even save you from the serious beat down you will receive once the movie lets out and the creatine soaked muscle head finds you in the parking lot and tunes you up for causing his daughter to miss the dialogue between the princess and the frog.
But wait, there's MORE! The site that sells this fabulous product also offers the "iPocket Bungee" (I wish I was making this up). I suppose they already knew about the above scenario from personal experience and in accordance with a "find a need and fill it" business mentality came up with this product. Granted, I can see how this product would prevent your expensive iPAQ from smashing to pieces on the floor of the local shopping mall when you received an "iWedgie" from the Mall Rats while talking on the phone, however I don't understand where the "i" is necessary except to capitalize on an over used and exhausted marketing campaign.
Is there an end in sight? Not to our knowledge. Sources close to ITD tell us that there are 9,276 new "i" products to be released before this dead horse is done being beaten. Unfortunately we don't have the time, energy or the patience to rate them all. We can however offer you the assurance that eventually the "i" trend will pass, and you will be bombarded with a new marketing ploy to tempt you into spending your hard earned dollars on something else you don't really need.
Official ITD Rating: 4 bullets short of a full magazine